(Not finished)
The cold breeze blew through her short blond hair as she stepped out of the wooden cabin she had been staying at for the past few days. She pulled her jacket closer to herself, trying to keep herself warm. She stood. Ears alert and stared out into the woods as she heard a soft rustle of leaves coming from that direction. She froze. Her breath inaudible.
“Christina?” His booming loud voice sounded through the many trees that surrounded the four acres of land.
She let out a long held breath and relaxed, it was only Wilson.
“Yeah, it’s just me.” Christina stifled a yawn and decided sleep was going to cure her current state of exhaustion. She sauntered over to the cabin. The pile of criminal files sat on the table untouched. She ignored the pile and moseyed over to her bed.
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For some reason I can't copy and paste your text, so I'll just comment.
ReplyDelete1. Very nice work. You're raising my expectations.
2. Tell us what Christina looks like before too much longer.
3. "Wooden" doesn't help much in describing the cabin. Maybe something about size? "Stepped out of the cramped, low cabin she'd been staying in for days." "The past few days" doesn't mean much.
4. (to herself) I'll use parentheses to show what could be deleted.
5. Booming or loud? Not both.
6. (many) trees
7. four acres (of land)
8. (current state of) exhaustion
9. sauntered (over) to the cabin
0. She ignored (the pile) them and climbed into bed.
As I said, this is excellent. Keep writing, and post a revision to this later today!
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